Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize