I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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