forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
