Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
