dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
