Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My bed smells like the plague
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
