even my farts smell like vagina
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
