Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize