so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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