look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
