you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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