i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
