Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
