FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
