Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
