She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
