How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Drake has all the answers
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