I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
