i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Randomize