The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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