At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
