I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
