i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
