You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
