Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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