Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
