Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
