Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
