Someone shit on the floor
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
