Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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