Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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