you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
