he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
