I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there's paper in my vomit.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
