I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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