either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've blown a few things in my day
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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