i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
