I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You may now shotgun with the bride
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
