bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize