went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
