i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
