uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
