8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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