i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
