Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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