So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
