All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize