I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
