which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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