Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
