If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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