just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
