if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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