I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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