11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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