So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
