i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want to have your abortion
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize