If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
