You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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