Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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