i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
