Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
