she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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