Just cropdusted the office
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
this is an emotional support booty call
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize