So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
